If i ever needed a good cry, that would be it...
Tonight, was definitely one of the worst fights we've ever had. It's probably worst than just a regular "fight". You brought up wanting to break up.... and sadly, this isn't the first time. I'm not saying we have perfect relationship, nor am i trying to put up that image to everyone else. I know we have our issues, but most important thing is we always work through them. we always have, so why should this time be any different?
I, feel that our issues doesn't lie between us per say. I believe your mom is the main reason why it's like this. When she wasn't around, it was perfectly fine. We always got along great, and have good communication. We have fun, and never forgetting our priorities.
School is definitely very important, especially at this point of our life. I understand that we both need to work very hard to get the future we always talk about... but whatever happen to doing it together? as a couple, we not only better ourselves but also each other. we should help build each other up, not bring them down. I know, i may not do the best job. I'm not the brightest lightbulb there is... but i try to the best of my abilities to help you. I guess what i was doing wasn't getting through to you. My efforts went unnoticed. Well, then i'll be more verbal.
Even though, you didn't make it into UBC this time. I never given up on you. I don't look down on you either just because of one rough patch. Nothing is smooth sailing, not even our relationship. (remember? you said that once in a blog.) Everything life throws at us is only to help us grow better as a person. I know we can get through anything, as long as we do it together. I understand that you feel very lost, i've been there. Pushing me away won't make it any easier for you to reach your goals. If you really loved me as much as you say, it would affect you emotionally. I promised you that i wouldn't leave until you finish pharmacy, but know what? i wouldn't leave even after that.
After all these years of searching, i finally found the perfect person for me-- you.
When we got together, you knew that i'm broken but you didn't' care. You only wanted to be with me. You told me that no matter what i going through, i would never have to do it alone. So why would i do that to you? Why would i abandon you now? I'm not going to, so stop pushing me away.
I've said everything i could possibly can over the phone. Hoping you would understand it from my point of view. Bottom line is, don't give up just because of a rough patch.
I'm willing to sacrifice anything just to stay with you... because i know that's just part of loving someone. Never giving up on them and make sacrifices for one's priorities.
Please have some faith in me... I already changed so much over the years, and every day i'm only getting better. I know it's not going to be easy, and it never was from the start... but how boring would it be if it was all smooth sailing right? I'm willing to do that much more for you.
Sigh... I could give you the space to do work, in return i just want a bit of your time. our phone calls before bed is perfect because it's the only time where i can have your full attention. Also let's try not to sleep so much? :/ and make good use of the time we do have together since were going to have less from here on....
Yeah.. basically, let's both change our habits. we got this.
PS: I'm tired now. My eyes are gonna be swollen. Head hurts. It's 3:34 AM.
PSS: I'm so glad you actually called me back. It stopped me from picking up that knife.
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