Late Night Blog I

It's late at night, meaning it's the perfect time to blog. 

earphones in, serenity app on -- listening to the waves as it washes against the shoreline, occasionally you hear the calls of the birds flying by :) sure, it's pre-recorded but it sure sets me back to december 2009. throwback.


so i thought i'll try something different. listening to such soothing music really relaxes me. i think that trying to be completely relax and only focusing on your breathing is probably one of the hardest things to do. 


lately, i've been trying to focus on just bettering myself, mainly my physical appearance. i think that improving my overall look would help me boost my confident level as well. i was never the kind of girl that is well spoken infront of a large audience. i get nervous when all eyes are on me. it's only on rare occasions when i dress up, where i feel like the women i should be. 

starting now, i want to have a hair routine, at least 2-3 times a week. even though i've only ever dyed my hair twice, i don't think i want to anymore (or for a long long time.) it can't possibly be good for my hair when it's thin. every since, i can remember i've always had long hair & i agree that long hair is only beautiful when it's healthy. Although, i'm not the kind that straighten or curly my hair often. I have started to blow dry my hair! >< applying heat is very damaging especially without any protective spray. so, for starters i'm going to try the pantene detangler spray! (if only i can find it here in vancouver...or might just buy it online.) also, instead of using a 2 in 1... i want to actually use a conditioner + shampoo. hm. lastly, i can't wait til i get enough haircuts that my blonde streaks disappear. (i want to avoid having to dye my whole head black) basically, i just want my original hair color back. :( ... hm, another blog shall be dedicated just on 'what i want to improve' LOL. 

(does any of this even make sense? gibberish? hm. MOVING ON! ) 

i haven't even touched on the reason why i started this blogpost. 


it just randomly strike me today, that it really makes me sad when friendship goes sour. i know, and been told that if it doesn't work, don't force it. it's like any relationship, really. it takes both to make it work. 

tonight, i've been thinking about the person that lived with me. i know it was a hazy decision on my end, and it happen almost on impulse... but i can't help but to sometime wish she was still here. although we never really got along since day 1. however, i think it's my nature to help those in need. i mean, i know i'm lucky. even with my parent's divorce at the tender age of 1, i always had my family there for me. i honestly don't know how tough life can get. i don't know what it's like being kicked out at 17, to live on your own. YOU'RE NOT EVEN OUT OF HIGHSCHOOL YET! and you have to worry about a place over your head, food, bills etc all while trying to be a student. no matter how strong and tough you think you are, we all need a shoulder to lean on. unfortunately, her love life was never that great either... so in turn that just added more stress :| I don't know anymore. honestly, the interaction between us has gotten so fake, i don't even know why i bother. this is simply just my example to what i'm currently feeling. 

i came across this quote the other day. 

"We have 3 type of friends in life: friends for a reason, 

friends for a season and friends for a lifetime."

Yeah, I'm lost for words. 

I feel like i'm always the one putting the effort in my friendships. Sometimes, i wish someone would randomly text/message me out of the blue just to say "Hi!" and check up on me. make sure i'm still breathing. It would really make my day... to know that i crossed someone's mind. that someone cares and cherish me. everyday, i'm just trying to be the best person i can, to treat people as well as i could. to me, being able to put a smile on someone's face is the biggest reward. : ) 

It's funny, if it isn't boyfriend problems, it's friends. 8 ) but i wouldn't trade what i have now, for anything. i know i've said it many times before, but i am in a much better place, happier than ever. <3

You know, sure you may be the biggest asshole to me... but i really hope that you know that i care for you. I sincerely hope you're living happily :) because everyone deserves to be happy. Honestly, i was really surprise when i saw you messaged me last night. maybe it was a joke, maybe not. either way, it was nice chatting. thanks for not crossing the line, and actually 'try' to have a conversation. I hope you wish the same happiness for me! 'cause by now, you should've put the past behind you, right? : ) 

No matter what the future brings me, i really hope charlie is part of it :) because i honestly, don't know what i would do without him. there's no better person more perfect for me than he is. honestly, we fit together like two puzzle piece. truthfully, i never been so excited about the future before. i'm so anxious to start the life we've talked about... the dream wedding, going to bora bora for honeymoon, our mansion that BB would have to keep clean :P and of course, Stella. our future daughter :") extra happy tear! 

Anyways, it's 1 min away from 3 AM.
I'm going to call it a night, Sweet dreams <3