Charlie help me realize that the pain i went through still affects me today.
Ever since the break up, i've been focused on healing. I want to better myself, not only to show someone that it's his lost but also for myself. Cant believe it's already been a year & half since then... and i honestly came a long way. i'm currently in the happiest place i've ever been in my life. Even so, i don't regret my past one bit. I know i've made mistakes but the most important part is i learned from them. I've grown the most during this time of my life. It isn't as simple as losing a boyfriend, i lost a friend along with it. He's been in my life since we were 14, we didn't date til grade 11. We were together for 2 & half years. his family took me to hawaii & los angeles, which was the first airplane ride of my life. They given me so much! not only in experience but other things as well. Most importantly, they gave me the kind of family love that i never really experience. I also never felt any motherly love. Not until i met his family. His mom loved me like her own daughter. They all loved me, and sawed a future in us. sorry to have disappointed.
It's really something that you wouldn't truly understand until you gone through it yourself.
Sometimes i still wonder how he moved on so fast? Does he ever reminisce ? or maybe miss me? Questions that, i'll never have the guts to ask so here i am, just wondering to myself. Too afraid. I put up this wall, just to see who would break it down. Who really cares for me? I'm so afraid to give it my all, i don't want to get hurt. Same goes with friends, you never know who really cares for you or just nosy haha. I'm getting better at surrounding myself with good friends and cutting those that don't do anything good for me. I don't need fakes. :)
The other day, when you messaged me on Skype. Questioning why my status was "you don't miss your water...". It was quite obvious to me that you were thinking what i'm thinking. It was a song you showed me back in 2005. Ha. I'm quite interested in knowing your train of thought when you saw my status. Well, in reply i just brushed it off. :/
Honestly, even if i had the chance to go back and change everything. I wouldn't. I've always believed that everything happens for a reason. The good, and the bad was suppose to happen. I dont regret one bit. I thank you to giving me such an experience. I wouldn't be the person i am today or as happy as i am now. Here is my sincere thank you.
I do hope that one day, you'll understand that everything i did was out of good intentions.
& I'm still waiting for that sincere apology you owe me. :)
and like monique said, "love you another way"
Sincerely, Pris <3
